Sostice Swamp Recognition

Winter solstice, 2012, end of the mayan calendar. Three friends are in Mexico or Guatemala at sacred sites for this day.  I chose to experience a forest alone.

I took the day off and drove near Palatka and hiked, wandered, stretched, contemplated and lay down in Rice Creek Swamp conservation area for 4 slow, allowing hours, celebrating solstice and the cycles of everything.

I felt blissful and grateful to be out walking among tupelo, cabbbage palms and palmetto all mossy in the morning light. I kept smiling in the sun, feeling grateful on the dewey trail. I spoke my gratitude for so many things in my life I am so fortunate to have. People in my life, my own realizations, my own capacities.  

I took photos. I saw amazing beauty and smelled, felt and contemplated so many points of life. It feels important to get close to the ground. 

I was noticing how natural it was to be there, and how fortunate I was to be in this place right now. I had not walked or hiked in months becausee of fatigue and illness. Being in the swamp was a most commfortable feeling, like I was in the place I belonged, a home.

An essay by Lane and Sarah Conn inspires me. They talk about ecological identity. I can go into a natural space on my own terms, like going out to find songbirds with binoculars, or I can just open all my senses to whatever experience might happen. The experience or recognition may be unpredictable. It is a challenge for most people to slow down from their manic overstimlated state where they have become conditioned to be talked at through sounds or pictures. A person may feel restless or worried about time they are wasting.   The Conns state "In order to open yourself to the direct experience of another being, you must shift from a precipitating to a participating mode of interaction, from making it happen to sharing in the happening. ... You can turn your gaze toward a leaf or blade of grass and allow it to present itself to you, to imagine it coming into your consciousness instead of your going out and getting it. You can allow other beings to knock on the doors of your awareness, to visit on their own terms and in their own language."

What a wonder it is to stop, look and listen to what is in that moment in that place. The most unpredictable discoveries do occur. I found an incredible fungus inside a tree trunk that was dusting spores all down the wood onto the earth. It's sister fungus was doing the same at the entrance to the hole. It was like a Missouri cavern of regal majesty, in miniature, down there at the ground.

 

Today was solstice a special day for many. New phases, new cycles are always coming. I prayed... and meditated a bit. I prayed that humans slowly do start shifting from productivity, work, intellectualism, competition, power and numbing themselves with entertainment/technology to becoming more awake, aware and connected to each other, to earth and to their own hearts. 

Other discoveries: emerging mosses, a burned out tree, red water flowing, and uncountable sensations of awe and inclinations to say Hello! as a greeting to all the beings and interim cycles of their lives I encountered, or recognized by luck or by patience, there, near the ground, or there in the air.

Hashimoto's Autoimmune Disease

A few months ago I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Hypothyroidism. This is a disease of the immune system, not a thyroid problem per se. My immune system – perhaps triggered by Epstein Barr virus that has come out of the closet (90% of us have this) – has decided to attack the thyroid gland. The test showing this is TPO antibodies. Thyroid Peroxidase (TPO) is the enzyme from the thyroid that is stimulated to be produced by TSH from the pituitary. TPO assists in the production of thyroxine (T₄) or triiodothyronine (T₃).

I am fortunate that I went to see the naturopath, Joy Bole, who recognized Hashimotos right away when a nurse practitioner had not. She also discovered the activity of Epstein-Barr virus which might be what triggered it

She immediately told me about Dr. Datis Kharrazian’s book that I have since bought and am reading. As I have seen other doctors since then (endocrinologist, internist, other nurse practitioner), I realize they don’t really get the connectedness of all our systems and don’t know about Dr. Kharrazian’s seminal work. Very few doctors are trained in his approach to treating this disease.

The endocrinologist says it’s not really ‘treatable.’  Dr. Kharrazian wrote a whole book about how to manage for it by better understanding what my immune system is currently doing, figuring out what the stimulator is that is causing my immune system to work overtime (antigens or haptens) and taking supplements that support the immune system correctly while eating a very healthy diet that reduces immune response.

According to the book the gut is the home-base of the immune system. If the gut system is not balanced and healthy, the immune system can’t be strong. Joy Bole told me I have “leaky gut.” Some undigested particles are making their way through my intestinal walls which also causes immune system attack on these foreign bodies. I had read about this before and it is not good for this to happen. See my blog on inflammation.

Overall, the population is experiencing more autoimmune diseases from environmental stress and foods. "Stress is the biggest factor when looking at the brew that makes up an autoimmune disease! Stress does many things to upset immune regulation: it suppresses immune function, promotes immune imbalances, weakens and atrophies the thymus gland, and thins the barriers of the gut, lungs, and brain. "

"Sometimes frequently-eaten food is seen as a foreign invader keeping the immune system engaged in constant battle. Then the beleaguered over active immune system can start to behave erratically and being attacking the body." If we have an allergy to a food and don’t know it, our immune system again works over time and can go into malfunction so that the immune system starts to attack the body creating the autoimmune response.

Typical triggers for autoimmune disease are: spikes in estrogen; inorganic toxic substances like pesticides or heavy metals (known as haptens); allergens like mold or foods we are allergic to (known as antigens), molds; bacterial infections.  "Physiological conditions can set the stage for Hashimotos: gluten intolerance, estrogen surges, insulin resistance, polycystic ovary syndrome, Vitamin D deficiency, environmental toxins, chronic infection or inflammation, and genetic susceptibility."

For Hashimoto’s patients, gluten is a big deal. Not only because 81% of Americans have a genetic predisposition for gluten intolerance, but because gluten molecular structure is a lot like a thyroid molecule! So if we eat gluten and have some intolerance, the immune system attacks that and the same function attacks the thyroid cells! Kharrazian says: “It is wisest to simply remove all gluten from your diet if you wish to preserve your thyroid gland.”  He says we cannot even have a molecule of it once we have stopped and are recovering, because even slight gluten contamination in a food can trigger an autoimmune response that can last for months.

Hashimotos is the #1 autoimmune disease in country. "It is not a gland disfunction it is an autoimmune disease. If a patient takes thyroid hormones, the inflammmatory mediators generated (cytokines) can block thyroid receptor sites, but the hormone might be in the blood, making the regular blood tests look normal." Taking hormones as a treatment just makes lab tests look good and might boost energy for a little while, but doesn’t help stop destruction of the thyroid.

"Vit D deficiency is associated with numerous autoimmune conditions including Hashimoto’s, and autoimmune rates have been skyrocketing in recent years. Enough vitamin D helps keep the immune system balanced. Studies show more than 90% of people with autoimmune thyroid have a genetic defect affecting their ability to process vitamin D. Therefore many people need higher amounts of vitamin D to maintain healthy even if a blood test shows sufficient vitamin D. Blood levels of vit D of my labs should be in the high-normal! The Vitamin D council recommends levels be between 50 – 80 ng/mL, and a supplement of 4000-5000 iu per day of cholecalciferol."  Kharrazian recommends 5,000 – 20,000 IU of emulsified Vitamin D for his Hashimoto’s patients.

Dr. Kharrazian’s book is so good because he explains how our immune system works, how our thyroid system works and other endocrine components, he explains how lab tests can be interpreted, and he describes his protocols and treatmens for different kinds of patients. He tells you where you can get tested for different things, so you can figure out a lot of things before you go see the doctor. He also describes a fast and elimination diet system to discover what your body is reacting to.

How to take care of myself?  Support the autoimmune system and eat right. Avoid anything inflammatory (see my blog on inflammation). Take emulsified Vitamin D.

DIET

• No gluten
• Strongly limit dairy
• Strongly limit alcohol or sugar
• Strongly limit coffee/caffeine (most difficult)
• Limit dried fruits and nuts
• Limit foods I am attracted to eating a lot (honey and almond butter)
• Limit intake of goitregenic foods; Cooking these reduces gointregenic effects
• Brassica vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, mustard, rutabagas, turnips, cabbage, kohlrabi (they contain isothiocyanates) – so much for my garden.
• Soy (contains isoflavins) goitrogenic activity of soy isoflavones can be partly “turned off” by cooking or fermenting
• isothiocyanates  and isoflavins appear to reduce thyroid function by blocking thyroid peroxidase, and also by disrupting messages that are sent across the membranes of thyroid cells
• Millet (I love gluten free millet bread)
• Peanuts
• Radishes
• Spinach
• Eat fermented foods (I have goat yoghurt with probiotics added, sauerkraut, probiotic pills, and drink beet kvaas that I make)
• Have chicken broth in soups
• Eat fish and flax oil for more omega 3 to build the essential fatty acids to build hormones
• No iodine, it is known to trigger autoimmune thyroid response

SUPPLEMENTS        

• Emulsified Vitamin D3
• B-Complex, more B12
• Vitamin C
• Milk Thistle
• Fish Oil, Flax Oil
• Probiotics
• Ca/Mg
• …. turmeric?

LIFESTYLE AND TREATMENTS

• Salt Baths
• Acupuncture
• Chiropractor
• Reduce stress - do and plan less; simplify; say no to some invitations.
• Meditate
• Qigong. I am doing this almost every day
• Study about hypothyroid, autoimmune
• Find new recipes and cook (today made coconut almond flour biscuits)
• If I take thyroxil someday, watch out for the filler that comes with the med that my immune system might react to

This has been a very sobering journey. I have always felt blessed with the health and body of an ox, capable of hard physical labor, with strength and stamina. I experienced extreme fatigue, burny legs and joint aches for about 3 weeks in October.  Before that, I had noticed general tiredness beginning in early evenings since about January. The 3 weeks of crazy fatigue in October ended when I took herbs from Joy Bole to combat the Epstein Barr virus. I also cut out gluten. But I continued coffee, honey, chocolate sometimes, grain products, some cheese, and milk in the coffee.  I had a lot of tired days with a lot of fatigue most evenings.

As of yesterday, I have dropped coffee, chocolate and dairy products.  I feel even better. I was encouraged to go grain-free. I have cut grains in half (less millet toast). I also started a new herbal protocol of 4 herbs - a subset of the Cowden protocol - created by a naturopath but recommended to me by an MD. The herbs are Pinella, Burbur, Samento, Banderol. It is designed to kill bacteria, and support the immune system. That might be another reason I am feeling better these last 2 days.

Since quitting coffee I feel more quiet and calm and true in my level of constitutional energy. The coffee was maybe masking what was really going on for me with energy. So I really miss that soothing cup but am feeling that my long term health is standing victorious over that addiction… for now. They always say, one day at a time. : )

The next steps are to visit the rheumatologist and Dr. Hall in Ocala who has studied Dr. Kharrazian’s methods for managing Hashimoto’s disease. I am learning so much about medicine and doctors and a lot of the foolishness thereof. Luckily, I have good insurance covering most of this including acupuncture and chiropractor visits. 

So my spirit is rising up to tell me something with all of this. Perhaps it is saying to be still more.  That reflection is continuous.
I close with a quote from Hippocrates because I know I can help myself most with what I eat and don't eat: “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”

Why am I reading Bhagavad Gita?

Bhagavad Gita: I am reading it for several reasons. One being the structured accessible opportunity I have been offered to study vedic literarture and one of the most revered, inspiring and cited books. It has been read and cited by Albert Einsten, Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Herman Hesse, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Aldous Huxley, Rudolph Steiner and Nikola Tesla. Somewhere it is claimed that 650 million people hold it as a sacred book.

It is the inspiration for the transformative communication classes taught by David Wolf, to me being a very enlightened equanimous way of being true to oneself.

The concepts of higher consciousness, responsibility, eternal soul, ego, material nature are explored within. 

I realized I also read this book partially for the same reason some people travel. To learn about others' ways of thinking, talking, valuing, feeling, perceiving, living. I am traveling to an entire fashion of thought so different from the western judeochristian style, and I resonate with it's emphasis on our consciousness and the necessity of discarding the ego and the material and how we can live a life that is truly devoted to self-realization - becoming truly who you are and removing the layers we have adopted from society and family and other sources.
 

Maybe the biggest reason: this class reminds me to think and focus daily on spiritual life, consciousness and the non-material. I have been noticing the material aspects more in day to day life. I experience that I take things less seriously in this way. It helps me ask, why I am doing things each day. Do I do a thing for my ego? To help others? To look good? To serve God?

I read Island, by Aldous Huxley

I have been co-reading some books with my godson nephew, Robert. Right now we are reading The Life of Pi, but last fall we read Island, by Aldous Huxley (his last book, published in 1962). It is a favorite book of my friend Evan, and a book about an ideal society, so I was interested. 

Here is an email to Robert when I was on page 100 (November 2011):

It is some work to read, and I spent some time in Wikipedia deciphering some of the references! The author is very versed at eastern religions and european historic figures to draw complete pictures of characters and philosophies creating a lot of richness on each page. Wikipedia is helping me decipher.

He values Buddhist and Theosophic principles and practices and abhorrs self-indulgent, dualistic ,capitalistic machinations of modern western society. The irony is that while he (Huxley) sings praises of eastern philosophy and practice, his angle is presented with such a protestant/catholic mood, feeling and writing style. For example, that sarcasm in his writing when describing Rani in Will’s eyes is very English, not very eastern at all. Same with the plot of a newpaper writer trying to get in on the inside to exploit opportunities for gain for all in accessing oil rights; it feels like a very western-styled plot - interesting mix! And why not? He says (in the little green book written by the old Raja so long ago): "What in fact I am, if only the Manichee I think I am would allow me to know it, is the reconciliation of yes and no lived out in total acceptance and the blessed experience of the Not-Two."

I had to look up Manichee. So interesting! he terms "Manichaean" and "Manichaeism" are sometimes used figuratively as a synonym of the more general term "dualist" with respect to a philosophy or outlook.[37] They are often used to suggest with a somewhat disparaging undertone that the world view in question simplistically reduces the world to a struggle between Good and Evil.

The young beautiful nurse is named Radha. I learned in my research about the gopi cow-herders 2 weeks ago in a class I took that Radha is the most important gopi being Krishna's lover and incarnation of Lakshmi... and in the book, Lakshmi is the wife of McPhail's dead son. I will see how this plays out.

Wow so much going on in parallel with characters and historic/religious figures. Ranga (Radha's lover) mentions the Mahayana tantric philosophy of the people of Pala. (This is also the tradition of the Tibetan Buddhist tradition observed by the teacher I was with at meditation retreat last December in Colorado.) Ranga explains Mahayanic and of tantric philosphy: "you don’t renounce the world or deny its value; you don’t try to escape to Nirvana apart from life. You make use of the world, you make use of everything you do and of everything that happens to you, of all the things you see and hear and taste and touch, as so many means to your liberation from the prison of yourself." This feels very true and harmonious to my senses...

Now in May 2012: This is one of the truest-feeling statements in the book. All that we experience is medicine for us to become more realized beings, using our human form as a vehicle for awakening!

I am enjoying this book! Will Farnaby is still talking to everyone from his bed! It is strange though, this book is devoid of any emotions on the part of the characters except a few feelings from Will Farnaby of annoyance at the Rani etc... people are very intellectual, as is obviously, this author.

Now in May 2012: I wanted to say more about this last point.... that in Huxley's writing about the perfect society, people are 'doing' a lot of the right things for societal and environmental sustainability. But where is the consciousness of people's inner lives? If people are still living according to the externalities, without a shift in how they view themselves and the roles in each other's lives, such a happy, healthy society will not last. Intellectualizing about the perfect society is an interesting exercise, but our over-developed intellectual brains must take a little break... and we must start leading our lives and decisions connected to our hearts. When we truly connect to our hearts, we can heal past traumas (from childhood and previous lives) and stop acting to serve our egos which serve to protect our hearts and lead us to live in selfish agenda-driven situations. This is where we are today with our capitalistic, competitive, individualistic, lonely, anxious, consumptive society. 

Despite this last statement, I am feeling encouraged, hopeful and excited by more and more people questioning the status quo and searching for new ways of using their minds, skills and words to create more awareness of their whole selves. I am constantly finding ways that people are helping each other discover deeper meaning for each others' lives through healing, breathing, and experiencing the essence of things.

What an exciting mysterious path of discovery to be in this temporary human form. We have a mission in that.

Co-Commitment 1

So these blog entries are getting more personal. It is a stretch I gave to myself, to express more openly what I want including my intentions and desires for a future partnership. It feels a bit like standing at the edge of a melting glacier. If I don't jump, it's going to calve with me on it being a bit messy. So I will just jump with intention and express and get real! A few months ago I created an intention to be married within three years and announced it to the Satvatove foundational class and to the universe. I have been harboring this desire for a long time, keeping it to myself embarrassed about wanting something so big and so personal. I used to be proud of not worrying about getting married or having children because I assumed it would just happen spontaneously... and by chance I would meet a great person and we would get along and he would make me feel at home and accepted. I still do not worry about it, as I have full confidence that it will happen, but now I have intention about what kind of partnership I will create with someone. I want to create a partnership in which we both are more creative, and in which we help each other grow in our individual spiritual journeys. I have experienced that when love and spiritual connection occured in a past relationship, issues that needed to be addressed came up. But this was the stuff that he or I wanted to keep hidden. Sometimes one or both of us did not want to face our shadows, so resistance and avoidance led to confusion and pain, and eventually the end of the relationship. In other past relationships, I got bored realizing there was no spiritual connection. In reflecting, I see how often I engaged in unconscious behavior, being grateful that a fun attractive smart person found me to be attractive, adventurous, bright and energetic. These seemed like traits I wanted to show the world, so I usually responded to these men. I am still attracted to fun, smart, attractive men, but I now choose to be in a relationship based in spiritual growth. This can only exist when we both tell the truth - all the truth about our experiences, fears, desires and feelings while knowing that these are not due to anything the other partner does or says, but because of our own filters, past experiences and expectations. I guess I was wearing a mask of "everything is fine, so you have to still like me." In realizing that I did not fully share my emotional experience, I feel sad that I had fear. But I also feel elated that I had a deep sense inside myself that none of these relationships were healthy enough for marriage. More recently, I started realizing that the shadows that were coming up were not related to the other person, but still, I felt sure that sharing my experience would scare him away. In some cases I did share my experiences and that did scare him away. And sometimes I was not honest with myself about the fact that I didn't even like this person very much! I will continue to do healing work to grow into myself and to dissolve fears and desires. I will do my best not to withdraw or hide. I pray that with a future partner, we will recognize the beauty of all the feelings with acceptance and honesty, seeing the process as the sacred pathway to transformation and higher consciousness. I will focus on being loving, whole, open, and clear. When I set this intention, I did it in the space of my spirit. I do not have a list of ways that I am going to meet people to find my partner. David Wolf writes here, "Intention is founded in spirit, and spirit is superior to matter. With clear intention, we find a way to concretize the result. Implicit in the principle of clear intention is the idea that, 'I might not know how it's going to happen, but I'm certain it's going to happen.'"

Dance in Question

With my new commitment to the exercise routines that I am doing most mornings with the "Insanity" DVD to condition my cardio- and muscular-self, I am finding dance. Today after my workout, I was warmed up and moving, so it felt good to turn on some dance music and move my body in a coordinated expressive fashion after the boot-camp style workout of Shaun T. This morning I woke up being in the question of how I share myself. Do I show myself deeply? Do I share myself fully and honestly? Do people get to see the depth of the questions, passions and emotions in my life? Do they get me? I decided to dance in that question. I danced 3 times to a favorite punjab indian song... I felt graceful, strong, coordinated, natural and like a dancer. I felt true, beautiful, divinely connected and energized... like I was breaking through an outer shell that gets thicker as I sit at my desk job. It hit me suddenly - something threw the message at my heart and it hit it hard - I am a dancer. I cried - a big block felt cleared in my awareness. I should have known this more in my full consciousness. Why did I not choose to see this before? I have known in the back of my consciousness that I am a dancer and love to express in dance. My mom used to ask me to dance in the living room for her and her friends when I was very young. This morning I envisioned doing an expressive improv dance piece and recording it on video. Thank you to my friend Vrinda for inspiration. I watched this video last night of her dance... I resonate so with Indian music. It was the punjab song that helped me fully express to open up to feeling like a dancer. I am exploring and it feels brave... exploring the morning's question and exploring the dance.

Terrapsychology

I feel a huge sense of affirmation and YES after discovering the work of Craig Chalquist who wrote the book Terrapsychology: Re-engaging the soul of place. I believe that we are each born with a deep connection to the living planet but most humans become unconscious of this after young childhood and are encouraged to forget the comfort that we felt from our romps through green messy spaces outside the house (if we were so lucky). Ideas surrounding this concept have been put into a structured annotated scholarly text which can insert these ideas into bigger discussions to connect ecology to psychology and to put human awareness of place into context of our own survival.

During a deep ritual last weekend, I awoke suddenly to my longing and connection to Venezuela, where I was born and lived for 10 years. I couldn't believe that I had not fully realized that naturally, I would be connected to the energy of that place. Being BORN in that geographic location, into the energies of the natural and human history, and into the particular plant and animal energies have probably stayed with me to this day. Then I realized, sadly, how much I actually missed it... I ran around barefoot and dirty for hours after school in the tropical dry forest with thorny trees, wandering brahma cows and tamarinds.

Where we inhabit, love, laugh, run, sing and cry is not simply a backdrop curtain to our experiences, it is an active player with life energies, or lack thereof in some more urban settings, and how do all those life energies combine to influence our views, feelings, modes of being and memories? What ancestral energy or ancestral memory remains in a place to create some inner knowing in our lives, or some unexplainable emotion?

Why do we feel so different on a rock island with swimming iguanas, or in a tidepool with 3 colors of starfish, or in a reef with staghorn coral reaching to the sky, or by the ocean full of jellyfish, or on a quaking bog with trees metronoming back and forth, or swallowed by a dripping rain forest on the sliding steep mud next the spines of a tall palm as a pair of trogons perch above on one of the largest leaves in the plant kingdom? Or in our backyard with our vegetable garden and birdbath...?

Chalquist proposes a critical connection between human wholeness and planetary health. I have long agreed that to inspire the volition in people to save water, conserve energy, or reject consumerism, their psychology needs to be connected to a natural place that they can care about. They need to experience their place with the messiness and chaos that comes with the natural order and chaos of all the connected parts that build up and crash down at different times in different time cycles. This is one reason that I have not agreed with the 'sustainable' urban planning practice of infilling. I don't want to construct on every square inch of brambly woodsy space in urban areas to "prevent urban sprawl." Building upwards is a better way to prevent that. Filling in those rough weedy patches of lone trees between two dead end streets further sterilizes the setting in which we live, pushing us further from any sense of the soul and character of the energy of the place that was, before we arrived so recently. Those patches are an awesome respite for the curious child to get lost in the intricate rotting bark of a branch and all the entomology and mycology it is supporting there.

After reading about terrapsychology and ecotherapy, I was stunned and moved at the idea of skillfully taking a person or group into nature and guiding them to connect to that place in the deepest way that is personal to them which could eventually lead to real healing of our damaged earth. (Think of all the indigenous ways that have been created to help establish such connection.) Grasping the fact of our deep connection to nature "deeply shifts our understanding of how to heal the human psyche and the currently dysfunctional and even lethal human-nature relationship."   

Food Blog

I am back to food... it is so good to enjoy every bite in a fuller way after fasting for four days. The flavors are huge, and the food seems so quantiful, even one slivered almond.

Last night I broke my fast with protein, my body was really wanting fish. I had salmon cooked in olive oil that I put on a bed of fresh spinach (that willingly wilted under the steaminess).

Today I juiced for breakfast, then made an amazing soup of veggie stock, turnips, carrots, celery, cabbage, fresh thyme and fresh rosemary. It feels earthy and homey, this little cup of cubes, leaves and circles.

Yesterday I went to Wards and almost nobody was in the store so it was nice to take my time looking at everything and buying foods for juicing and cooking. I now have so many beautiful foods in the fridge! Dandelion greens, pomegranate, papaya, ginger, bok choy, beet tops, beets, carrrots, celery, parsley, apples, pears, zuchinni, daikon radish and turnips, plus red lettuce, mustard greens and broccoli in the garden.

I bought millet, amaranth, wild rice and slivered almonds in the bulk section to support the alkalinizing diet. When I got home, I reorganized all my food on my shelf and gave a bagful to St. Frances house. My grains and nuts are now neatly stored in glass jars, and I ground up my flax seeds so they can be added to foods easily. I also ground up my coffee and put that jar in the freezer to be used on occasion, not every day. I am no longer a 'coffee-drinker!'

I am feeling so caring and mindful towards my viand today.